Beginning in November we experience and enjoy so many wonderful holiday things. Intricately decorated trees, decadent foods, delicious smells, family visits, the hubbub of shopping, and Christmas music just to name a few. My son Alex, who has autism, experiences the same things, but feels drastically different about them. In years past he has taken it a personal challenge to figure out how the tree "works". Alex is not impressed with fancy Christmas food, strange smells, trips to overcrowded stores, and pretty much everywhere is considered too loud. We don't get to visit much during the Christmas holiday because we live very far away from our families, and my husband's work schedule won't permit us to travel. For many families who are blessed with Christmas visits, feelings about them can be bittersweet. Nothing beats a worn out kid who tells everyone to "get out", or announces while at grammy's that its "time to leave this stinky place!"
The following is a list of things that our family has learned, mostly by failing, over the last few years. Alex has been able to reduce his meltdowns, gracefully survive the 1 or 2 that are bound to happen, and the main goal-enjoy being with the rest of the family while we celebrate the birth of our King Jesus!
1. Decorate the house in stages. This allows Alex to get acquainted with the "new look" in his own time.
2. Limit number of gifts to be opened by all of the kids on Christmas morning. This seems to work well for all of our kids. No one gets overwhelmed and melts down.
3. Create private "chill-out" spot at home or away. It is essential to have a pre-planned place for Alex to go to cool down when he is stressed emotionally or socially.
4. Travel with the picky eater's food. The 30 course meal is fabulous for most, but Alex experiences much more peace on earth with a peanut butter sandwich! Taking his/her own plastic plate, cup, and flatware is also a great idea. Gramma's Christmas china will thank you later! .....same-y same-y is the name of the game-y!
5. Communicate the schedule with your family. Whether verbal, written, or picture, schedules will keep everyone calm by knowing "what comes next". Example-First we will eat dinner, then we will open presents.
6. Be realistic with time expectations. Christmas is my favorite time of year, and I would love to attend everything possible! My family cannot be expected to attend every party, performance, special church service, etc. My husband and I take into account his work schedule, all invites, and obligations, then we plan and schedule, and finally graciously decline what we know our family can't handle.
7. Lay down the perfectionist attitude. This one is for me personally. I get so wrapped up in when things have to be done, that everything is just so-so, and I forget that my kids need me more than usual. I have to act with purpose and spend the time with each child when they need it. That may mean that I have to reschedule that last minute trip to town, or even that Christmas dinner will be a tad late.
8. Use their obsessions to help make Christmas their own. Last year we decorated a small tree with police officer and firefighter ornaments. Alex was very proud of his and Austin's tree. The decorations and the lights were mesmerizing and kept him focused on something he loved. This year its the great white shark....
9. Teach your kids. We read Luke 2 to the kids on Christmas Eve with a Nativity on hand for visual support. Before Alex could handle breakables, we bought a magnetic Nativity from Mardel in OKC. Now there are plastic sets out by "Little People" from Fisher Price, and "Veggie Tales" that each typically retail for under $30.00. Too cute!
10. Put together a bag of tricks. A favorite movie(and player if needed), small toys, books on current obsession, and whatever else can bring them immediate comfort under stress.
This list is not exhaustive. I'm sure there are many more things to add, so feel free to add them in the comments section. And most of all, have a Merry Christmas!
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